Archive | November, 2010

Energising

29 Nov

Reflections Mon, 29 November 2010 13:33
How would my life be today if the people around me enthused me instead of getting angry at me for everything I wanted? 

I feel like I have been enthused a lot in my life. I have been supported for my dreams and praised for my talents and fairly criticized by some as well. I feel energized, valued, loved and affirmed.

I enthuse myself by journaling, praying, listening to music, reflecting on the past positive experiences, seeing the positive, having a good laugh with friends, challenging the tough…’bring it on’ kind of attitude, being grateful and seeking support from loved ones.

Some examples where someone tried negative techniques to get me to change were telling me that his or her way is best, trying to push me or pursuade me by shedding negative light on my past experiences, getting angry, yelling, not listening, expecting me to learn from ‘their’ mistakes.

Clients can benefit from the technique of enthusing because it supports them, nourishes them, celebrates their actions, raises self confidence, creates momentum to sustain the actions taken and brings the energy needed for them to take further and continued action.

I loved this class and all the woohooing that went with it! I was reminded of what a positive person  I am and that I have a great energy in me and around me. I focus on the positive and try to surround myself in it.  As Leon said, ‘bringing myself to a state of presence or stillness allows me to detect the energy of what is surrounding me’

What gives me energy in my life? my students, nature, the leaves, animals, the sky at night and day, fresh air, the beach, laughter, minu, Daniel’s love and laughter, my good friends, love for life, gratitude, praying, connecting!

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Truth vs Fraud

29 Nov

My perception of truth is someone who is aligned with their values. Behaviours that someone might have if living by their truth is a sense of calm and acceptance, an awareness of themselves, and a sense of contentment. This person will have a positive outlook and see all the blessings and possibilities in life

My perception of being a fraud is someone who is motivated my fear and ego. Behaviours of someone living as a fraud are:defensiveness, inconsistencies in behaviours and ideals, resistance to change, hypocrisy, blame, being in a role of a victim or feeling powerless, compartmentalization of all the different facets in their lives.

If the truth will set you free, then fraud will imprison you.

We can support our clients to find their own sense of truth by honoring their truth, being fully aware and focused on them, accepting their values or truth without judgement, embodying our own truths as coaches, creating a supportive and trusting space for them, believing that they are whole and that the truth is within them.

If my client doesn’t really want the ‘truth’ I will accept that. I will help them to be aware of their underlying beliefs and behaviour( without judgement) and if they do not want to move forward, I will accept and tell them to come to me when they or if they are ready.


Creating Trust- Reflections

14 Nov

Have you had a relationship of trust with someone in your life?

My relationship with my husband is based on trust. I trust him because of his values and integrity. We are accepting of each other’s flaws and value each other’s strengths. We have been committed through the ups and downs. We keep an open dialogue of our insecurities and all of our feelings. We have unconditional love for each other. At times it has been trying but with all of these structures in place, we are able to keep our marriage and what we want for our marriage in focus.

Why is trust so important for learning?

Personal growth or learning cannot happen in a space where there is no trust. Trust allows for connections which enable personal growth. Accepting allows one to be vulnerable and by being accepted in the most vulnerable and trusting states, is itself empowering, uplifting and creates a deeper trust in oneself and the people who are accepting.

Why is it important to acknowledge your own mistakes?

By acknowledging our mistakes it makes allows us to be vulnerable and that sets a platform for trust. It creates more openness and understanding and empathy between people. It creates a deeper connection with one another by seeing each other as authentic.

What are some of the ways you can build a trusting space with your partner?

I can do this by fully accepting my partner for who they are and not judge them or invalidate them. I can show acceptance and love during moments of disagreements or arguments. I can acknowledge my mistakes and my weaknesses or insecurities and shared my most inner feelings. I can be aware of their needs to feel accepted and loved and be aware of my actions and reactions so my partner can trust me. I can keep my commitments and my word. I can accept mistakes and imperfection…I can love unconditionally.

Why does the coach have to be able to trust him or herself in order to build a trusting space?

Self trust is essential in being a coach. I need to trust that I can put my judgements aside. I need to trust that I will keep my client’s agenda and not my own. I need to trust in my model for coaching. I need to trust that I may make mistakes and that i will be aware and acknowledge them and be honest about them and get on back on track.
I need to trust myself if I expect others to put their trust in me.
I need to trust in the ethics of my profession and adhere to them and create a trusting space for my clients.

How do you think you could handle coaching someone whose goals are not the same as what I would want for them. How could you let the client set the agenda but still be true to yourself?

Coaching a client whose goals are not the same as I would want for them shouldn’t be so difficult if I believe in the code of ethics for life coaching. Being true to myself as a coach is to keep my client’s agenda, not my own. I can help them to be aware of balance in their life while they are keeping their goal in mind. I can help them to see that well being in all aspects of their life will nurture their goal. I would drop my judgements or placing my values on them. If their values are so opposing to mine, I would be honest with them and recommend them to find a different coach who could better coach them.

What is the relationship between ethics and trust?

By agreeing to the terms of coaching, means that I am agreeing with the ICF code of ethics. As it is what allows me to be a credentialed professional coach. I must be trustworthy to adhere to these ethics. I am trusted my the coaching community to be professional and I am trusted by my clients to be ethical, which creates the essence of their trust in me. It is essential as a professional coach that I maintain the very ethics of the profession.
This will create the trusting space that my clients need.

Trust is fundamental in all relationships and it is felt by all; the presence or lack of it. To build trustworthiness I must have genuine concern, integrity and respect for others’ perceptions and learning styles. I can establish a coaching agreement that has clear expectations in a form of a document. I can express that all that is said before me will be kept confidential. Other structures that can build my trustworthiness as a coach can be: structures, preparation, acknowledgement, asking gradual questions gently before challenging too much, commitment, active listening, no judgements and to really try to understand or detangle the web they are in, being honest by making my intention pure which is to have 100% focus on my client.

Reflections on Respect and Invalidation

14 Nov

Reflections
What do you respect about yourself? 

I respect myself for my compassion for others, my humor and ability to bring joy to others, my work ethic, my loyalty to loved ones, my search to be better and more in tuned to myself and always seeking growth, for wanting to make a positive difference in the world, for being positive, for my strength and resilience.

What are the behaviors you demonstrate when you are not feeling self respect?

I am untrue to the promises that I have made for myself, like overeating or copping out from some of my intentions. I allow my reactions to take over me rather than choosing my reactions. I feel guilt and unworthy when I fail to keep my word to myself. I allow myself moments of spinning out of control rather than being present and being aware.

Where do you want to build respect for yourself and what is the plan you will create to do this?

I want to stay more true to myself and I can do this by being present, journaling more, and making positive smaller steps in achieving my goals so that it doesn’t feel so daunting and unattainable.
I will take accountability for my actions both good and bad. I will acknowledge weaknesses and gently move towards the actions needed to change them. I will be more aware by creating a visualization board, journal more frequently and upon waking up, make an intention for myself each day.

How do you model self respect as a coach to your client?

As I am just in the beginning of my taking classes and having not yet coached, it isn’t a concrete picture yet. But here are my ideas so far: I would keep my word to my client. I wouldn’t place judgement on them, I would keep my focus on them and to their agenda; not my own. I would follow the ICF code of ethics and be fully knowledgeable of them. I would be authentic and professional. I would be gentle in my approach with them. My goal would be to empower them.

What are some powerful questions you could ask your client if they are uncertain of their self respect?

What do you respect about yourself?
Who do you respect and why?
Tell about your successes in your life.
What are you most proud of?
How do your thoughts help you grow?
What would your life be like without certain thoughts?
Do your values support or inhibit your growth?
What are your boundaries and what would happen if they were no longer in place?
What do your friends and coworkers admire or respect about you?

What are some behaviors that would reinforce self respect and invalidation?

For self respect:

Self reflection
recognizing successes
recognizing patterns
awareness
acceptance without judgement

For invalidation:

pushing your values on others
judgement
low self esteem and confidence therefore show behavior in light of these.
pointing out flaws
giving advice at times
projection of yourself on others
actions that bring others down

This module and class was so beneficial for me. I love the participation by others and myself. I am grateful for the questions that Leon asked us. I learned from this class and what i learned was that respect is not only aligned with someones values, it is truly accepting people for who they are and where they come from. It is almost like loving unconditionally. I have some issues with this concept in the fact that I do place judgement on actions and behaviors that are hurtful towards others. My question was: How do I find the respect for someone who hurts animals or engages in pedophilia or other harmful and horrible behaviors? Can I find a way to accept these people, with the lack of respect I have for their values? I am still conflicted with this…but what I do believe is that I should try to understand them and the fact that they come from a different upbringing or life experience. I should try to see what has led them to have the values that they have or lack of values that i deem important. I have to believe that there is inherent good in all people but somehow it got misdirected along the way. I am working on trying to find compassion, love and acceptance for all people, despite their actions…One of the hardest things to do, I believe…but I will continue working on this.

Reflections on Trust vs Doubt

14 Nov

How do I define self trust? 

It is an honesty you create with yourself to be true to yourself. It is a full awareness of ourselves in both our strengths and weaknesses. It is “knowing” that you can attain your goals, live up to your values and overcome any blockades. It is being present and aware in all moments so you can react the way you’ve intended to.

In what areas of your life does self-trust show up the most?

Usually self-trust shows up the most for me when I am challenged or when life shakes things up. I often view it as a test of my own self trust in these situations. Because I place so much trust in the universe and the Divine, which I am a part of, it gives me that much more trust in myself.

What role does trust play in developing relationships?

I believe that trust is crucial for all authentic relationships. It allows ourselves to be open and vulnerable. It allows us to truly connect and allows us to go deeper in our getting to know one another.

What role does trust play in coaching both for you as a coach as well as for your client?

It is essential me to create a comfort zone for my client, which includes a space that is trusting between by client and myself. It allows my client to rely on me to meet my role as their coach. It also allows for an honest dialogue between us. It makes us both accountable. I am accountable for being professional and my client is accountable for his or her actions and taking the steps to meet the goals wanted to be attained.

What structures can you put in place to strengthen self-trust for clients?

I must maintain my commitment to my client. I must keep my focus on my client’s agenda. I must try to keep my values from making me bias towards my client. I mustn’t judge my client in their values or pursuit for certain goals.
Powerful questioning can help my client to feel empowered and accountable for making powerful changes and shifts that they want to take in their lives.


Other reflections about my views on trust and doubt:

Doubt and Perfection: I believe in balance. I believe that our imperfection are a balance to our ‘perfections’ if you will…Being perfect allows for no growth, therefore balance is essential so our imperfections should be embraced and worked on. Perfectionism doesn’t exist without imperfections because addressing and working on our imperfections allows us to seek improvement in our lives. Perfection takes the joy out of life because it is stagnant. It doesn’t allow for wanting more, for a journey to take place. The journey is perfect…as it is exactly, perfectly the path we are to take.

Here’s a great quote that was left with us at the end of class:

Beyond the duality of trust and doubt there is KNOWING.

“Know your own mind. Train yourself to think what you wish to think; be what you wish to be; feel what you wish to feel, and place no limit on that.

If you have a vague, subtle, unconscious fear, be quiet and ask yourself, Who am I?, What am I? Who is speaking? In this manner think back until your thought becomes perfectly clear again. Such is the power of right thinking, that it cancels and erases everything unlike itself.

But you must KNOW this WITHIN and not merely accept it with your intellect. KNOW, without a shadow of a doubt.”

-Ernest Holmes, Founder, Science of Mind

Defining my purpose

8 Nov

One of my readings for a class that I have yet to take is about finding and defining what I think my purpose is in my life. I wasn’t sure I could really go that deep, as I was more welcoming distractions to keep me from having to really articulate what it might be. I thought about different mantras I had used in the past, but it seemed that they really didn’t sum up what it really was.

I am a believer in not forcing things as such..for I knew it would come to me as soon as it should, as soon as I quieted myself to receive it.  Today I took in the view from my roof top..the treetops all yellowed from the cool fall that blew in recently. The sky was silver and wild and in constant motion.

Motion…growing inwards. There was something significant there. And so after gazing at this compelling sky, my purpose came to me. It was hinted at in so many things that surrounded  me..a stone with the word: awaken, my blog with the title: growing inwards, the books I had read over many years, and the classes I had been attending for life coaching…And so emerged from all of these and with the silver,  fall sky and my letting go… my purpose in life came clear.

My purpose in life is to endlessly grow. I want to learn, take in and celebrate all that I come in contact with. I want to take from all life’s moments and feel, absorb, observe, and grow from it all and make my life the best it can be. And so, growing inwards is most definitely the best title for this blog as it encompasses the very belief of my purpose in life: To endlessly grow inwards and to coach others to grow inwardly as well…growing to a place of  joy and contentment with the desire to grow more.

My first week of lifecoaching

6 Nov

I started my life coaching course last Monday.  Last week I took six different classes and am beyond inspired and excited that for the first time in my life, I am excited to study, do homework and attend teleconference classes!

The first question I was asked by my first teaching Coach was: Why do you want to be a life coach?

My answer was typical in the way that it was all about wanting to help in some way.  But the truth is that I know that this is the path I am supposed to take.  Nothing has ever felt as right as this has.  In the past, I was considering social work, or a masters in psychology or teen counseling.  It all felt so daunting and that it would take so long to finish.  I was in my mid thirties after all and I certainly didn’t want to be studying into my forties.

It was my mother who suggested that I look into mentoring, at which time, I thought was the same as life coaching (it isn’t).  It rang a little bell inside me and I felt like ‘YES!  This is what i should do!’.  So for the next few days I researched and realized that a lot of the ‘psychologists’ who admired, were in fact, life coaches…Cheryl Richardson, Marianne Williamson and a few more.  At this point, I realized that life coaching was exactly what I wanted to do.

I wanted to work with people as I am fed by interaction and connecting with people.  I wanted to help people to be their best self, as Oprah would say.  I wanted to feel inspired and have my own journey of growing inwards.

I am on this journey now…it is positive, enlightening, introspective and supported by my teachers and classmates during classes as well as my family, especially my parents and my loving husband. I am getting a lot of support and cheers from friends as well!

This blog is about me and my journey growing inwards. It is about self reflection, class reflections and my growth into becoming my best self and a credentialed life coach.

I hope you enjoy the journey!