Releasing Judgement

30 Jan

This was an interesting class..I learned a lot about the different forms of judgement often labeled as constructive criticism, and even giving advice…what is right or advisable in accordance with our own values.
I had a highly critical mother…who also was full of praise if she was in agreement with you. She did it out of love, i know..but it had its repercussions. I had a lot of guilt if I didn’t do things her exact way, or feeling of pressure to do things exactly right, or fear failure, and a total rebellion to things when i was in university..and generally not really knowing who I was.
I don’t carry this with me, but it helps to explain some of the behaviors and beliefs that have held me back.

I do make judgements people’s actions that i see as negative, unfair or hurtful. I admit that I don’t think this is wrong…however, i do judge the person doing the action. For example, I judge people who wear fur…I judge them especially if they know the cruelty to animals in getting their fur and then still wanting to wear it. I have a very hard time not judging this. I judge people who are overly materialistic, arrogant, or lacking compassion.

I do not fully agree that the cure for judgement is self love…I think that is partly true in situations where one judges others by comparing or feeling low about themselves. But when i judge and action..I don’t think that reflects the same behavior in myself necessarily. I judge actions that I deem hurtful..that doesn’t mean that I am hurtful in the same way…it means that that action doesn’t match my values. I believe that judging people is wrong..and I believe that it can be cured by awareness and empathy as well as self love.

I do recall getting well meaning advice and taking it because it seemed correct at the time. It resonated with me.
I have also been given hidden advice or asked leading questions by my mom, my boss, my husband,and friends…I also have engaged in this…trying to be aware of it and not do it.

To be sure that i am not slipping into giving advice or suggestions or judgement during a coaching session would be to practice being aware and checking in with myself from time to time to be sure i haven’t slipped into doing this. I cannot attach myself to it or the result. I also have to know myself very well and know my truth and know how to separate it when need be.


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