Archive | February, 2011

Responsibility vs blame

5 Feb

What a great discussion we had in our class on Feb 3rd. It was thought provoking and had many perspectives.

The blame game was a past time for me when I was younger…for fear of failure mostly…I was very defensive when blamed and certainly looked outside myself to blame any failures I had.

I believe I am in a process of growing out of this…it is something I have learned to do in trying to better my marriage. My husband and I would both play that game and it made for some pointless arguments.

I feel like I have been a huge procrastinator for the majority of my life…until this very year! It was a process that I was slowly getting control over in some aspects of my life, but was still rearing its ugly head in other parts.

Starting ICA and taking these classes and learning exactly what coaching is had spurred into action like nothing else in my life. I have never been so motivated to study, take part in classes, do the homework,blogging and posting.
I have pushed myself and feel challenged and just thoroughly enjoy how I am going about it. There is not a moment of procrastination in this..and it has affected other areas of my life where i used to be in delay as well. No doubt I am still in the process…I see that taking responsibility is key.

I take responsibility in this course, my job, my budget and spending, my role as a wife, and as an animal activist.

There are times when I have blamed my boss for feeling unappreciated..I know that it is really not about him and about my own insecurities.
I have blamed my husband in our arguments, and have learned to take responsibility to apologize and look inwards to see where I have contributed to the hurt and anger we are both feeling.
I live in South Korea, I am a Canadian expat and I have blamed Koreans for a lot of my unhappiness in my first year here…I have learned that it is my responsibility to create my own happiness, adapt and not to react when something goes awry.

A situation I have right now is dealing with being overweight and not in the greatest of shape. I have been battling with this for over a decade. I was in a sense of denial for a long time…not taking responsibility for the food i was eating or the portions I was consuming. I was in a process of yo-yo dieting and dealing with the same patterns every season..and not choosing to do something different. I am now being coached and still feel that I am not fully taking responsibility in parts of the plan I was to take this week. I am good with the exercise and not so much with the food.

As a coach, I am responsible to be non judgemental, focused on my client, present and empathetic, believe that my client is capable, to follow the ICF code of ethics, to create a safe space for my client.

Some questions that I could ask my client to shift them from blame to responsibility are:

How can you move forward from this?
Where do you see that you can make an impact in this situation?


5 Feb

Grateful for Gratitude! Sat, 05 February 2011 23:06
Ahh gratitude…
How it has changed my life entirely! I remember watching Oprah many years ago and she had an author on her show who was talking about gratitude and keeping a gratitude journal…and that is when this great shift took place in my life. I started to write down ten things I was grateful for in my journal at the end of each entry. I remember having trouble coming up with new ideas..of course I was grateful for my health,my family, my friends, my job, god, etc…but I couldn’t keep repeating the same thing again and again…so i started to look at more simple things that brought me joy…the smell of my coffee in the morning, the way the light came into the room from outside, my walk to work and noticing the sky, the dogs I saw on the way to work….there was so much to be grateful for…and now it is nothing that I have to journal about because it is just part of my day…
I make a point of looking at the sky, and seizing moments to relish on…Awareness is key for gratitude, they work hand in hand.
The greatest prayer by anyone is a simple thank you for all that you have and all that you are surrounded by as well as all that you are.
I have an amazing husband who sees the world from a very grateful perspective as well…we are such a help to eachother when one of us feels down or stressed..we remind eachother to be grateful. It has brought us closer and is a value very dear to us. 

Today I am grateful for my husband, Daniel..for his loving words and actions..he made me delicious plantains because he knows how much I love them. I am grateful for when he wakes up and reaches for me just to touch me and express his love.

I am grateful for my sweetest dog Minu…who is another love of my life.I love the feeling of her warmth, her soft fur, the way she rests her head in my hands, and her curly haired feet. She exudes love and joy and brings so much more to my day.

I am grateful for the classes that I take at ICA. They have me in a state of growth each and everyday. I love the sharing in the teleclasses by all the students, I love the Coaches that teach us, I love the feeling and energy that is in me when I hang up.

I am grateful to be living a life that has meaning, that is moving and in growth. I am grateful for my faith in God and the universe as well as myself.

Seeing the impact of having a mind of gratitude in my life will help me to want to motivate my clients to shift to a place of positivity and gratitude if they are so inclined. I believe just being around someone who lives in this state of mind, can have a big effect on those who come to contact with them…it is contagious to a certain degree and very attractive…because bottom line…people want to be happy.
I hope that in my coaching, I can help many clients who want to shift in this way…to do so successfully.


5 Feb

just part of the mix!
Stereotypes certainly get in the way of getting to know people because we assume so much about them and don’t really get to the heart of who they are. I have made a choice to not assume that anyone is like someone else because of race, gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, age…the list goes on. It is something that i try to be conscious of but at times, slip into assumptions as well. 

I have been so fortunate to meet many people from different cultures. I was part of Up With People, which is a leadership volunteer organization. It is all about embracing diversity and building harmony within diversity. I have the opportunity to travel with 160 different people from 26 different countries for one full year. We traveled to many countries and stayed with host 90 different host families within that year. What an education it was! It taught be about differences, understanding, patience, love, how similar humans are as a whole, and wanting to make a positive difference through acceptance and an open heart.

Since this time(11 years ago) I have moved to South Korea, where I am currently living and have lived for 9 years. I am Canadian and have friends here from Korea, Australia, England, United States, Ireland, South Africa, Japan, Nigeria..and other countries. Being an expat in another country keeps me rich in my experience with diversity. I can’t imagine living in a world without it! I am married to a Nigerian and I know our lives will be rich together because of how diverse we are. I also have friends who are gay, lesbian, old, young, muslim, christian, non believers, buddhist, and the list goes on.

I believe we are all different and can’t be labeled as one thing or another..we may identify with a religion, gender, age, status or whatever, but it doesn’t define us…it is just one part of who we are.