Underlying Beliefs

Is that what I really think??	Sun, 12 December 2010 20:02
I think that it is important to discern our underlying beliefs because it could explain why we limit ourselves or behave the way we do. It could be the reason why we make goals and are not truly committed to them.  Some unwanted behaviours that i have in my life are overeating and not working out. I have a lot of guilt about this and have a lot of trouble truly committing to change it. I know what needs to be done but resist taking all the steps needed to do so. I have gotten myself a peer coach to work on this issue. Now I realize that being aware of my feelings that are involved with overeating or not taking the time to work out are essential to making a difference. I need to acknowledge the feelings without judgement, just to simply see that they are there. I need to sit with ‘the uncomfortable’ and be with it. And then I need to move on with different behaviours that i want to put into place. I also think that journaling my feelings throughout the day may help or in the evenings when i am more prone to overeat. It would help me to notice patterns, or just the feelings of my self in those moments..are they good feelings or motivated by something limiting my potential. For me awareness is number one, and from there I can shift my belief to something more positive by looking at the achievements I have made in other areas of my life and put those into action for my health The role of underlying beliefs in coaching is that identifying patterns in our clients thinking or behaviour could point in the direction of an underlying belief. If these can be recognized by our clients it gives them an understanding to past failures or successes they feel that they’ve had and understand the belief that was behind it. This understanding can help them shift their perspective and take action to behave differently by having different and positive motivation. I would need to be aware of my underlying beliefs as a coach because it keeps me in check with any judgements I may have. It helps me to be aware of my strengths and weaknesses. It keeps me focused on my client with an unbiased ear. Some great questions our class put together that I could ask my client when they are feeling unable to visualize their success: Is it true How do you know it’s true? What would it be like if it weren’t true? How do you react within that thought? Who would you be without that thought? What would your turn around statements be? What’s the advantage of having this belief? How has it served me in my life? Did you consciously choose to believe this? Were your beliefs created by your or influenced by someone, Who?

Lightness vs Significance

I was caught up in significance when I felt unappreciated by my boss. I was feeling resentful, and I carried this feeling to the work place for months. There was no one event that led me to feel this way, but perhaps it was a fear I had or in some way feeling unworthy. When I spoke to my boss about some of my feelings, he assured me that that was not the case…I learned that instead of holding a feeling like this for so long is futile and taking no action to get to the issue is equally as futile. I realized I was projecting my own feelings of being inadequate onto my boss and was placing blame where i shouldn’t.

I am usually able to fall into significance unconsciously but when i realize that i am there, I consciously make a point to shift myself into lightness. I do this by making a point to be grateful for what surrounds me at that moment: the sky, the trees, my dog, my husband, my students, my health etc…it quickly gives me a feeling of great gratitude and pulls me from feeling weighed down.

Some techniques that i can develop to stay mindful are to make a point of centering myself every morning..and make an intention of what i want for that day. Journaling helps me to be mindful and keeping a gratitude journal as it keeps me in tune to what is happening around me each day in order to write all that i am grateful for before bed. I can check into my body when i remember to be aware of how my feelings are affecting my physical body. I can count to 10 before i respond to anything that may normally have me in a reactive state.

The reason people become overly significant in the first place is that they are hanging onto or dwelling on the past. They may feel an attachment to labels they have given themselves or which were given to them when they were younger, they may be afraid of losing control.

I would ask the following questions to a client who feels weighed down:

How would it feel to let it go?
What would you be without that thought?
How does this define you?
How will this get you to where you want to go?
How has this gotten in the way of achieving what you want?
What can you learn from this?
What do you need to do to move forward?
How has this significance helped you?

My definition of lightness is a detachment to burdens, negativities and worries. It is a state of surrender and letting go of resistance. It is accepting what is at this moment in presence and it is a shift to a sense of calm.

Values and Life Purpose: Living Courageously!

So I absolutely loved this class with Prabha! It was so insightful and I came to know my purpose in life..and to see a deeper meaning in making it happen. Also I would like to give props to Brett who coached Anya so well! It was inspiring to see how you two connected and how productive the session was…I learned a lot!

Reflections: Three people that I would like to share my values and purpose with are Daniel(my husband), my parents, and my friend Tanya. I chose Daniel because he sees me every day and would be a good support; as well he embodies the courage that i want to see more in myself. I chose my parents because they are always so supportive and would so much want to be a part of this…they would help me be accountable to my purpose. I chose my friend Tanya because she is also so supportive and non judgemental and I have seen so much courage and love her no-fear attitude in life. She is someone I admire for the very value I hold most valuable.

As previously written, Tanya is a great role model for me, as well as Oprah, in the way that she has faced her fears and wants to live her best life.

My rules for living well would be to live courageously, with compassion, a willingness to grow to be my best self and then putting it into service to help others do the same.

Coaching makes clients begin to reflect on their purpose because knowing their purpose can help them to get a clear direction of where they want their life to go. Knowing their purpose will allow them to discover their goals. By knowing their goals, it readies them to take action. By taking action, it helps them to fulfill their purpose creating a sense of achievement and contentment. Clients need to know their purpose for them to move forward and to take action which will keep them more aligned in life.

Knowing our values helps us to align ourselves and feel content. Our thoughts are products of our values and we act in view of them either consciously or unconsciously. Knowing them gives us a better understanding of who we are and why we behave the way we do. It helps us as coaches to know what motivates our clients. And for the clients, knowing their values can better set goals and purpose to their lives.

There is a relationship between values and happiness and I believe that by being aligned to our values and purpose, it helps us to feel positive, worthy, connected and purposeful which would relate very much to being happy.

So ,what are my core values? Courage, positivity, growth, awareness and compassion.
My purpose is to ‘live my best life'(thanks Oprah!) And that for me is to live courageously so that I am not held back by limitations of doubt, to take challenges and steps to grow, to welcome new experiences in my life and to not be consumed by fears of failure or judgement of others and to have faith in the unknown and in myself.

Confidence

Reflecting confidence!	Wed, 01 December 2010 12:03
When I feel confident I am energized, light, happy, calm and content, full of appreciation, and going forward.  If I were trying to prove myself to someone, the reason might be that I am in a moment of reaction, and feeling low in self esteem. I am projecting my lack of self worth on them. If I achieved my vision, I would be content, aware, calm, joyful, active, healthy, glowing and breathing easy. The steps that I need to take to be fully confident are to look at challenges as steps to help me grow, to take actions on the things i want, to acknowledge doubts or fears and to determine the outcomes of facing them or living in them, to live a life that is aligned with my values, to be aware of myself and my responses. My purpose as a coach is to focus on my clients, enthuse them, want the best for them, believe they are full and well people, to be fully aware of my strengths and ability to coach well. To help people to discover their best self and to embody my best self.

One of the exercises that was requested for us to do in this class was to look at all the things and experiences in my life that would make me a great coach.

Up With People:

It challenged me to step out of my comfort zone completely and take a leadership role and take on things such as speaking in front of large groups, living abroad in many host families and learning about different cultures and adapting, doing a show in front of many audiences, doing community service and seeing the outcomes of it, reflecting with the cast and staff of UWP, and growing so much as a person.

University:

It taught me that I am accountable and that if I choose not to be that I will have a negative result, that doing things half assed is in no way beneficial to me and leaves me feeling disappointed in myself and doubting my ability. I have learned that no matter what I do, the effort that I put in will effect the result that i will get from it.

Marriage:

It helped me to want to be better at listening and interacting. It helped me to keep the focus in mind  of wanting a happy marriage and taking accountability for my actions to make that happen, helped me with listening, compromising, not judging, having compassion and looking within…wanting to reflect my best and loving self.

Everything:

Every part of my life has affected my being here and wanting to be a coach and to be a great coach. My parents’ support and belief in me and instilling that being true to my values was most valuable, the books  I have read : Awareness by Anthony DeMello, Wayne Dyer, Cheryl Richardson, Oprah, etc..Also my job as an ESL teacher; connecting and interacting with students, be put in a role to build a rapport with my students and coworkers, being valued for my gifts of compassion and affecting people positively.