Releasing Judgement

This was an interesting class..I learned a lot about the different forms of judgement often labeled as constructive criticism, and even giving advice…what is right or advisable in accordance with our own values.
I had a highly critical mother…who also was full of praise if she was in agreement with you. She did it out of love, i know..but it had its repercussions. I had a lot of guilt if I didn’t do things her exact way, or feeling of pressure to do things exactly right, or fear failure, and a total rebellion to things when i was in university..and generally not really knowing who I was.
I don’t carry this with me, but it helps to explain some of the behaviors and beliefs that have held me back.

I do make judgements people’s actions that i see as negative, unfair or hurtful. I admit that I don’t think this is wrong…however, i do judge the person doing the action. For example, I judge people who wear fur…I judge them especially if they know the cruelty to animals in getting their fur and then still wanting to wear it. I have a very hard time not judging this. I judge people who are overly materialistic, arrogant, or lacking compassion.

I do not fully agree that the cure for judgement is self love…I think that is partly true in situations where one judges others by comparing or feeling low about themselves. But when i judge and action..I don’t think that reflects the same behavior in myself necessarily. I judge actions that I deem hurtful..that doesn’t mean that I am hurtful in the same way…it means that that action doesn’t match my values. I believe that judging people is wrong..and I believe that it can be cured by awareness and empathy as well as self love.

I do recall getting well meaning advice and taking it because it seemed correct at the time. It resonated with me.
I have also been given hidden advice or asked leading questions by my mom, my boss, my husband,and friends…I also have engaged in this…trying to be aware of it and not do it.

To be sure that i am not slipping into giving advice or suggestions or judgement during a coaching session would be to practice being aware and checking in with myself from time to time to be sure i haven’t slipped into doing this. I cannot attach myself to it or the result. I also have to know myself very well and know my truth and know how to separate it when need be.

Responding vs reacting

The last time I reacted to something was when my boss wanted to talk to me about my class that I teach. I found myself feeling defensive and as if he believed that I was teaching well or having the students wrk as much as they should in the class. The trigger was that I felt like i was being criticized and that I wasn’t good enough. I do get defensive and have to be careful not to take things the wrong way. I had an over critical mom who wanted the best for me but her criticisms or constructive criticisms left me worried about making mistakes, bitter and feeling guilty. However, I know that was not her intention. I have been making a point of not taking things to personally and also to trust myself more so that if there is criticism, that i take it and don’t let it shake the trust in my own ability.
Funny enough, a couple months later, my boss came to me again, wanting to make the changes…I just listened and didn’t react or take is personally. It was not about me or my skill as a teacher..it was simply a change he wanted to make. I am glad that I was able to remember to keep my head and choose to respond and not react.

I might find myself reacting to a client if I haven’t given myself the prep time to meditate or get into the space i need to be in before a session. I need to know that self care is essential for me to be able to coach. Also mindfulness is essential so that I am aware of my feelings when listening to my client, so that i am not judgemental or feeling like I have the answers to their problems. All of this would help me to keep my focus on my client and my role as their coach.

If my client reacts to something I say, I would acknowledge this and be sure not to invalidate them. I would know that this is a process and they will have a reaction to what is said at times. The actual reaction will help me to see deeper into the client and is something that can be explored. All and all I would not take it personally gently get to why they had that reaction.

Commitment vs Trying

I loved this class with Leon and all who participated!
I learned from this that commitment is 100% and anything less is trying…and that should be acknowledged as well!

One priority that I am committed to right now is my ICA course…I have been taking 9~11 classes a week and loving it, I have been committed to being vocal in class, doing the homewrk and reflections and posting and blogging.

This should be my number one priority because I have a timeline that I believe is essential that i meet. I want to be finished all the classes by the time i go to Canada. I may have less time to commit to this so I am taking full advantage of the time my working schedule here in South Korea, gives me. This is the job I want to be doing in Canada, and I feel that it is essential to be as ready as possible at the time of moving there.

My support team is my parents, Daniel, and some very good friends…they support me 100%. To support me, they can cheer me on, believe in my ability, help out with referrals, and trust in me that I know what I am doing, as well as want the best for me.

The commitment I really want to make in my coaching practice is to do what it takes to feel authentic, as well as to be a great coach that is empathetic, understanding , motivational and great at my job.

The structures I will put in place are to be ethical, and follow ICF code of ethics. Focus on my strengths and believe in them and set them into motion to make my business great. If feeling low or not confident, to seek support from my own coach and friends. To practice gratitude daily, and journaling or meditation of some sort to keep me aware and positive.

To support my client when I notice their level of commitment slipping would be to ask some powerful questions that would get to the bottom of why they are slipping, to see if their values or goals have changed, to see if there is an underlying belief that is stopping them. Just try to get to the root of it with some questions and tools.

Creating Action

If I had to choose a time in my life where I felt I was really moving forward, it would be right now with my ICA classes. I have never felt so committed to the self-work, the classes, the desire to learn and feel authentically as a coach. I have a goal in mind to finish the classes by the time I go to Canada in mid spring. What I put into place to create this was to schedule my classes so that i would finish them in 4 months. Also the fact that I want to graduate in June.I want to be working as a coach when I go to Canada and finishing the classes, coaching and paper needs to be done by that time. Not to mention, I absolutely love the classes and everything about this course…it keeps me motivated and in action.

The supports that i have in keeping me moving forward are my parents who are so supportive, my husband, my goal that I have set for going back to Canada, my friends.

After completing the action process in the module, I felt optimistic my action taken. I feel like I am in the process of making those things happen each day.

The role of action in coaching is very important, it is the essence of what coaching is. If we haven’t left our client with some sort of plan of action, then we haven’t coached. It creates the steps and motion to make the shift that we want.

The advantages of asking our clients for the specifics of their actions is that it holds them accountable, helps them to keep focus on their goals, and keeps them committed to the steps that are needed. It also gives the client a sense of pride and motivation to see how far they have come from taking the actions.

To achieve the goal I wanted(ICA classes), I created a schedule, I was fully committed, visualized the benefits, see it as necessary and keep up with the classes and homework. I have a hectic week but keeping my long term goal of going back to Canada in May has me on a timeline. I will finish classes by mid March ,which leaves me little time to procrastinate.And I havent’t!! woohoo!

Acknowledgement plays a role is taking action because it rewards us, credits us, keeps us motivated and feeling empowered. I believe it has to come from ourselves as well as others. We need to recognize, acknowledge, celebrate ourselves instead of looking for it outside of ourselves…but in the beginning…a bit of cheering from friends, a coach and whomever, is always positive!

When others have encouraged me it helped me to take action. My mother and father recognized my strengths and believe that coaching is the perfect profession for me. They support me in my desire to grow everyday.

My top 10 strengths are:
a strong intuition
loyalty
hard working
striving to be better
generous
encouraging
positive
creative
open
determined
honest
great sense of humor
loving
forgiving
compassionate
enthusiastic
~all of these will help to support me…I can relate to my client, not judge them, want the best for them.
It will help with the business side of it because I am determined and creative and optimistic. Adding humor to any situation is a positive in my books! I have a knack for making people feel comfortable and am able to build an authentic rapport quickly.

The goal I have this month is to exercise 4 days a week and eat healthier and lose weight. The structures I have in place are a coach, journaling, a walking buddy, a food journal and plan. I have been great by implementing exercise(damn treadmill broke!!) but have been walking in this -14C weather with a trouper of a friend.

(will these questions ever end?!!)

The five people I admire are:

Nelson Mandela: I love his positivity, and sense of forgiveness, wanting the best for everyone, and being unselfish, and determined to make a difference with his life. He changed the face of South Africa!

Oprah Winfrey: She made her work/job meaningful, she wanted and has made a difference in so many lives, she has a sense of balance in her life, She’s overcome obstacles and made herself accountable for her failures. She is always striving to be better and be her best self, and has helped people to become more self aware and desiring themselves to be the best they can be.

Dad: His integrity, forgiveness, he is loving and dedicated to his family, he is always supportive and wants the best for his loved ones, he is honest and trusting. He works hard.

Tanya: She is fearless about change, willing to open to life and its challenges, has a ‘bring it on’ way of thinking, is non-judgemental, she has a balance of light/serious, and she is extremely generous!

Daniel(my husband): He is focused, and so committed to his goals, he is positive, is a good man> integrity and commitment to his marriage, he is spiritual, the hardest worker I know, loyal and wants to make his life one of service.

I have been blessed with an amazing support team!! parents, Daniel, Amy, Marie, Tanya, Joanne, Christina, Krista, Melanie, Tina, Wesley, ICA, my incredible students~Kristin, Cindy, Crystal and work collegues too..Tamara who is also becoming a close friend. I feel supported and blessed always! I am forever grateful! 

Action VS Delay

The areas in my life where I am not taking as much action as I would like are with exercising regularly and my eating plan to lose weight. I have started taking action with exercising and have a peer coach who is supporting me with this. But as for my eating plan and losing weight..I am not being very proactive about it…and pretty much because I don’t yet feel committed to it.

When I don’t take action I feel guilty. I am reminded about how important it should be that I do it and yet I don’t feel like it..then I have guilt for being indulgent and not valuing what I deem as quite valuable.

The steps I am taking to achieve my goal to graduate ICA are something I am proud of. I started classes in November and will be done levels 1~5 and CoP classes as well as Business brainstorming classes by the end of March. It’s a good feeling. In the meantime I have started to get peer coaching and after March will be able to start peer coaching myself. The plan is to graduate in June..and I know I can do this without a problem.
The steps I’ve taken are to make a schedule of all my classes up to April, Created a calendar where I could check off the classes taken, printed out all the modules and use the back of them to write class notes, after the week is finished, I post and blog most of the reflections unless there are still some questions that I haven’t fully been able to answer. I keep a file of what has been blogged and posted and what needs to be blogged and posted. I have contacted peer coaches and created a schedule for me to be coached twice a week. I also have a goal of finishing the majority of this by the time I move back to Canada which will be in May. I want have a more time to keep a busy schedule here than I might in Canada, so I want to not take it for granted and do the most I can do before leaving. My goal that I have maintained is to take 8~10 classes a wk plus two coaching sessions.
I am now applying some of these steps of action to my exercise plan…I have gotten a peer coach to support me in setting it into motion…it feels great and so far(just starting this week) has been successful! Now I need to put it into place with goal of an eating plan that will help me to lose weight. I feel positive about it all!

As a coach I can ask these powerful questions to get my client into action:
What benefits are you getting from not doing this?
What benefits do you vision yourself having if you did take this action?
And which of these benefits do you hold more valuable?
What one step are you willing to put into place this week?

Some tools that I could use to support my coaching around action are:
journaling
scheduling
checking a box when something is completed…brings me a sense of satisfaction
celebrating

Structures

	Sat, 22 January 2011 15:30
In my life structures play a role in helping me to keep my goals and get through my busy weeks.  10 structures that support me are: Calendar: helps me to see make a schedule and keep it for my classes, coaching sessions and just anything I may have trouble remembering to do. Alarm clock: keeps me on time, and from sleeping in or oversleeping, lets me know when I’ve the sleep I need and helps me to keep my value of keeping time for classes, appointments, etc Marriage: The value I put on my marriage is huge…there fore I make time for my husband, I value quality time together, learning to communicate better, support from my husband and a secure and feeling of contentment and love. Budget: This helps me to map out where my money goes, helps me to pay bills or debts, keeps me from overspending when I can’t afford to. Lists: I am a list maker with Post its…which help me to remember small and forgettable things that need to be done..I post them on my computer at work, in my wallet and on the kitchen table if really urgent! The value of keeping my word: I do believe so much in keeping my word if I have promised someone or to do something. It is a strong structure that I have to keep my word with others and now more and more learning to keep my word with myself. It has kept me focused, and able to meet challenges i may face and keeping me feeling positive and empowered. My parents: A huge support and structure for me. They cheer me on for my successes and for just the person I am. They live in Canada and me is SOuth Korea, so we make sure we talk every Sunday and catch up. It feeds my soul and I feel loved and supported. My husband: He believes in me, encourages me to be my best and not procrastinate. We support eachother and help eachother to grow in the directions we want to take. He is an example of a focused, determined and the most committed person I know. We learn a lot from eachother. My dog: helps me to feel utter joy each and everyday. Teaches me what unconditional love is. Keeps me active, going on walks a couple times a week, even in -25C weather. She also settles my stress and nerves by just petting her or receiving her kisses! She is the reason I have learned so much about dogs and am a huge animal activist which is a huge passion of mine. Journaling: Helps me to write about what I am grateful for, what actions I have taken, sorting out dilemmas, and just feeling more grounded. Outdoors/Nature: brings me such joy and gratitude as well as inspires me to be active, healthy and in the moment. It keeps me connected and strengthens my connection to my spirituality. To support my clients to identify the structures they have to support their goals are to have them look back at some of their successes and identify what helped them to get there, visualize where they want to be in the future and identify what would support them to take the action to get there, and looking at their current situation and identify what makes their life feel good or not. I can ask them if they are part of supportive organizations, forums, clubs, or it they are reading any books that inspire them, I can ask if they have friends who are a support to them. I can ask them to look at all the small things that get them through their busy days or just day to day events.